The Politics of Dancing

The President's Breakfast A Short Story For The Holiday Season  Eliot had served three previous Presidents and up until the last year, he had thought that he had seen pretty much everything.  However, the previous incumbents had not prepared him for this. Nothing could have prepared him for this nightmare. He was due to retire in just over six months, but this morning, for the first time, he had begun to doubt that he could make it. It wasn’t the daily humiliation that got to him, he had known humiliation before, though had often enjoyed the satisfaction of those who had humiliated him be humiliated themselves in turn. No, it was much worse than that, it was watching the greatest elected office on the planet being daily degraded, humiliated in front of his eyes, and then in front of a global audience, and, to put it in language that he had suddenly become accustomed to hearing, being dragged through the shit. That morning the bell had rung and he entered the preside...

A Fable For Our Time It was the opinion poll on the Thursday before the general election that woke the country up, showing that the Penguin now had an eight point lead. There had been straws in the wind prior to that, particularly the now famous Question Time appearance when the Penguin had squawked his belief that the country needed to become truly an island again. An island surrounded by a sea stocked plentifully with fish that belonged to us all. The audience had been given copies of the Penguin’s statement, but even at this stage some claimed to be able to understand penguin. They had greeted every squawk with rapturous applause. In the weeks that followed the Penguin momentum built, everywhere you saw Penguin posters, Penguin button badges or stickers. The ubiquitous Penguin seemed to dominate TV and press coverage of the election, though for all the coverage it was difficult to establish what the Penguin actually stood for beyond a love of the fact that we were an islan...

In one of those strange kinks that can suddenly happen in history England suddenly exploded with musical talent at the beginning of the 1960’s; talent that was to conquer the world. The rock and roll band was born. In one short decade music changed forever. Extraordinary Talent Two bands however stood out The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. We know what happened to The Beatles but whatever became of The Stones? When looking at their back catalogue one is overwhelmed by the sheer diversity and quality produced, - Satisfaction, Get Off My Cloud, Lady Jane, Ruby Tuesday, Jumping Jack Flash, She’s A Rainbow, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Brown Sugar, Street Fighting Man, Parachute Woman, Gimme Shelter, Wild Horses. The list goes on. Then sometime in 1972 they flew out into a clear blue sky never to be seen again. True a solo hit for Jagger ‘Angie’ appeared in 1974, salvaged from the wreckage as it were, but the Stones were gone. In their place came the infamous money making...

Listening to Danny Alexander or Nick Clegg speaking, the content and tone is now indistinguishable from the Tories.  ‘Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.’ Animal Farm Chapter 10 With apologies to pigs which I understand to be intelligent and sensitive animals. Having visited this page I would be grateful for your feedback, either tick one of the boxes below or make a comment via the comments button.

Prince Charles criticised for 'planting moles' in government departments MPs are to raise the matter in the Commons after the heir to the throne was described as a 'constitutional crisis in waiting' Guardian 18/08/13 Charles awakes, just after five feeling no particular thrill to be alive. Another day spent waiting in the wings An ‘almost king’ a sad and empty thing. Surveying the crumpled bedding now he sighs, Feeling the need to move to wash and dress He calls his valet to come in with the press. The papers make grim reading, On every page a mess Cock-ups and blunders it drives him to despair Oh to be like ‘mum’ and no longer really care. He dwells upon a thought, One day to really rule Oh how sublime how truly satisfactory To destroy the clanking cock-up factory. Camilla rises picks up a copy of The Sun “I see they’re being rude again my dear.” She wants to make a joke, but it’s no laughing m...

YOU MOURN IF YOU WANT TOO, THE BLOGGER'S NOT FOR MOURNING ON THE VANITY OF MARGARET THATCHER   Margaret Thatcher is carried to rest, through the streets of London town. Her perfumed corpse a stiff rebuke To a land that let her down.   All now are bade to pay respects To speak her name in whispered tones To watch her cortege pass us by Upon a road of broken bones. To doff our caps our voices still The chimes of Gothic Big Ben Kill Pretend that this malignant soul was as great as Winston Churchill. For my self I’ve had enough of sickly sanctimonious guff So bury her body and bend your knee So at last all can breathe free.         Maggie Thatcher Laid to rest         Her son got all the money         Some think this a sad and mordant tale         For my self I think i...

Work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith has stated that shelf-stacking is as important as a degree. "The next time these smart people who say there's something wrong with this go into their supermarket, ask themselves this simple question: when they can't find the food on the shelves, who is more important: them, the geologist or the person who's stacked the shelves?" [1] When university geology graduate Cait Reilly, 24, from Birmingham, challenged having to work for free at a local Poundland discount store or face loosing her benefits, the airways and comment columns were all suddenly filled with cries of ‘job snob’ and paeans to the virtues of shelf stacking and the nobility of the humble shelf stacker. Indeed it seemed that everyone from the local radio shock jock and right wing newspaper columnists to government ministers had all spent some time during the course of their lives stacking shelves. So before I make any further comment I had bette...

Dear George, I read in this mornings Guardian that you are seeking to identify a further £10bn in cuts to government spending and finding this difficult. Well being a public spirited sort of chap and willing to do whatever I can to help a fellow in trouble I decided to see what I could do to help. George I have to say I don’t think you can have been trying, in ten minutes I found the follow areas where you could save well in excess of £10bn.   1) The estimated total annual cost of the monarchy to taxpayers is £202.4m. [1] Now as you keep saying, things are tight, that ‘we are all in this together.’ Surely even you can see that this is, now how can I put this delicately, a trifle excessive. Cut this allowance in half not only to you prove you democratic credentials but you’ve just found £101.2 million behind the metaphorical sofa. [2] 2) The total acquisition cost of the Trident programme £9.8 billion, this does not include the cost of upgrading. Now you, and any...

HOW JOHN FOTHRINGTON THOMAS JUNIOR GETS TO HEAR ABOUT CAMERON AND THE TOWN GIRL AND THAT ALL IS NOT WELL AT GREYTOWERS The rumour running around the whole school now descended upon the delicate ears of John Fothrington Thomas. They were indeed delicate ears and these were far from delicate rumours. In truth the scandal concerning the highly esteemed David Cameron, DC to all the chaps in the upper sixth, Head Boy, senior prefect in Blue House, Captain of the first eleven and Rebecca the landlords daughter from the New Inn had been a whispered secret for some time, but its descent upon the innocent ears of John Fothringtom Thomas Junior of the lower fifth was a cause for him of deep consternation, for if true   it suggested that the most esteemed boy in the school, the wondrous batsman who scored sixes with an elegant ease, was, of all things, could it be possibly true, a cad? Surely this could not be true; again if true it would mean he had been walking out with a girl and a ...

Tomorrow I will be travelling back to Shropshire.  I say back as this is where, as the Americans say, I was raised and where, to paraphrase Philip Larkin, my adolescence was unspent. Shropshire is the most quintessential English county, indeed one could say that Shropshire is England ; travelling further north you cross the border into another country which is, helpfully, called The North. This itself is subdivided into sub states, such as Yorkshire, full of people who can best be described as queer folk, not to be confused with an over predominance of homosexuality but in the sense of people who imagine themselves wholly different from the rest of the human race,   and who are we to argue. Further North still there lies a strange country called Geordie land, a place where people speak in a tongue hitherto unknown to humanity, indeed if it can be called speech, let alone be categorised as a language. The less said about these strange people the better. To the west ...

POSH BOYS TALES OF CAMERON AND THE UPPER SIXTH STARRING PICKLES THE FAT OWL OF THE REMOVE “I say you chaps,” it was the much abused Clegg Senior, still called The Fag behind his back, who popped his head around the door, interrupting the late afternoon feast, “have you seen David?” Osborne took another mouthful of crumpet and looked up from where he was reclining in the sequestered window alcove and sighed, “No Cleggy old chap he’s down at Matron’s, didn’t he tell you. He always sees Matron on Thursdays!” Clegg smiled shyly, “Oh right, thanks chaps,” he hesitated for a moment, looking at the tempting plate of crumpets. “Do move along old chap” it was Two Brains Willets who broke his silent deliberations, “your creating a draught and we are having a something of a private meeting old boy.” “Right ho,” Clegg closed the door and silently slunk away. “He is an awful clot that Clegg,” declared Grayling. “Utterly wet and windy,” interjected Duncan Smith....

  LORD LEVESON RUPERT MURDOCH JAMES MURDOCH NEWS INTERNATIONAL JEREMY HUNT

The UK Chancellor(Finance Minister) George Osbourne says that he is shocked, shocked to find out that the top earners in the UK are involved in widespread tax avoidance.   Having visited this page I would be grateful for your feedback, either tick one of the boxes below or make a comment via the comments button.

Having visited this page I would be grateful for your feedback, either tick one of the boxes below or make a comment via the comments button.

Reporters from Rupert Murdoch’s Sunday Times posing as potential donors approach Tory fund raiser. “200-250 grand, now were talking Premier League,for that you get access, 250-300 grand and you get Downing Street; and we’re talking private apartment here, if you know what I mean, spag bog with the PM! And just for you I’ll throw in the missus and kids for free, how’s that? Half a million and he’ll do you a rendition of Danny Boy and cut the top rate of tax to 45p, now can’t say any further than that guv.”   After the story breaks Cameron calls a crisis meeting and dictates a press release. ‘We are going to hold an internal Conservative party enquiry to make sure we never get caught again.’ Oops   “Bring that back!” ‘We are going to hold an internal Conservative party enquiry to make sure we never get caught   this never happens again.’   Meanwhile Rupert Murdoch calls for a full public enquiry. Moral: Never mess with the Piranha Brothers. Having visit...

Dear Mr Grayling,* Some days have now elapsed since you last corresponded with me. In that time you have, under severe pressure, agreed to make the work experience programme truly voluntary by removing the sanctions that represented the coercive element of the scheme. This following on from your assurance to me that ‘I had got it wrong’ and that the existing scheme was already purely voluntary. I think you will find that the political formula to be followed when caught telling lies is either a) to claim you were misquoted, b) say your remarks were taken out of context, or c) if you have the stones, to admit that you told an untruth and apologise, usually with a lot of weasel words about a misunderstanding. However rather than following any of these routes you simply resort to abuse and smears, continuing to peddle the lie that all opponents of your forced labour schemes are Trotskyites.Well to coin a phrase, I don’t care what you call me you are wrong, Incidentally during the ...

This gang of notorious confidence tricksters are known to have been working in your area, approach with extreme caution and watch out for your wallet, your watch and even your small change. Hapless members of the public have been tricked by this gang out of their benefits, their human rights and even their medical treatment. It is now suspected that this gang is not working alone and indeed have a great many accomplices. In particular keep an eye out for someone called Nick ‘the seducer’ Clegg, whose tactic is to lure his victims by making a string of promises he has no intention of keeping only then to leave them in the lurch. The gang consists of:- Chris ‘the dissembler’ Grayling. A particularly unpleasant member of the gang he is wanted for theft of human rights, human trafficking involving the use of coercion and forced labour and the theft of benefits. David ‘the Toff’ Cameron. He is known to be the leader of the gang and the mastermind behind all of the various scams curr...

A government think tank is drawing up proposals to ensure that anyone unemployed from April 1st will, when required be expected to pay an employer for work experience, the money to be deducted from their benefit and paid direct to the employer. It is envisaged that this scheme will eventually embrace the whole of the unemployed work force, whilst those with disability would also be expected to participate; special envelope licking machines are being constructed for those with more severe mobility problems. The scheme has met with a great deal of enthusiasm from the CBI, IOD,* and several major employers, Only A Quid stores in particular are ready to be first off the block as the scheme comes into operation. Prince Charles too has commended the scheme and plans to use unemployed labour on his estates. Sir Roderick Purloiner, ex head of Shady Asset Management stated that this represented an excellent way to “get the idle working again and boost the economy at the same time.” Lord Cock...